Nervous

So, this is the frustrating part.  I've been spending a lot of time looking into other nursing programs, besides my top pick, which is really the only place I want to go.  But they're very selective and accept a low percentage of applicants, so I should keep my options open.  Different programs require different pre-requisite courses.. and I cannot satisfy all pre-requisites for all programs this year.  Nor would I want to.  So, it's all just a very uncertain situation.  I'm fine with working hard, and I go after what I want.  However, not having a place to properly focus my energy on is very frustrating and discouraging to me.  But this is the way this works, and this is what I've chosen.  

Regarding the path for my top choice program... the organic chemistry class is driving me even crazier.  The community college one county over from my father put up their Spring schedule and they do not offer it.  So, I'm left with the ONE class I can find at a college over an hour away.  It had 16 seats when I posted last week, and now half of these seats have already been filled.  I applied for the college last week.  As soon as they accept me, I can register.  I have the rest of my spring schedule planned at my current college.  I just hope ....hope hope hope.. that this class doesn't fill up before then.  I'm very, very nervous about it.  If this class fills, then I will have to see if I can go to a totally different community college near my uncle's and they will have to offer all the classes I need.  I'm starting to look into that as well, as back up.  It's a lot of boring, frustrating, and sometimes discouraging work.  I think I'm physically worrying myself sick.  The one good thing is that the other community college close to my father has one of the classes I need to take during the winter intersession.  I emailed the course info to the academic adviser at my top pick school to make sure it transfers.  I think it will, and that will at least lighten my heavy load next semester.

I've spent the last couple days writing a personal statement for my top pick nursing school.  A very good friend of mine provided me with some very valuable input and comments.  I also made a separate resume for the purposes of nursing school application, at his recommendation.  I'm pretty confident with it at this point. I will make sure it's refined and then submit my application soon.  I have a pretty good story, combined with the GPA they're looking for.  I honestly think I have a very good chance of getting in, but am still concerned with their selectivity.

In other news, the weather here in NY has been pretty good.  It's been a mild and beautiful fall.  Until today.  It all of the sudden skipped to winter, with temps in the upper 30s / low 40s today.  Tomorrow it's supposed to be in the upper 30s and the forecast predicts 6-10 inches of snow where I'm at.  !!!!!  Snow before Halloween is quite rare... 6-10 inches is crazy!!  We'll see....   It's supposed to warm back up to normal fall temperatures after that.  

Tough

I haven't really been in a good mood lately.  A few things in my personal life are weighing on me, combined/topped off by BS that's incomprehensible to me. I do [much] better with BS I can understand than BS I can't.  The insurance company paying for my car rental (which is now returned) and the value of my totaled car, is a nightmare.  The agent I'm working with doesn't return my calls and only answers about half the time.  When I talk to him, he says he will do stuff, but he doesn't.  I'm tired of telling him to do his job.  Then sometimes I'm feeling like I'm getting the run around.  I feel uneasy about the whole situation.  I can't wait until they pay the rental company, I get my money for my car, and this is all done and behind me.  But, until then, I will be calling his boss directly.

On the note of not feeling in the best mood.. I knew certain tough aspects of this change would be unavoidable.  It is tough to leave the strict routine and the financial safety and cushion I've had for the last 7 years.  I've lived this college life before, just fine, but this time it seems foreign.  And it's tough.  And it's incredibly different when you're actively chasing something you truly want, instead of pretty much going through motions.  But.. that is a good thing as well.  I'm very lucky to have a supportive family and friends to make this possible.  I will feel a lot better when I have my health insurance straightened out.  I was hoping to possibly get a civil engineering internship, but it's not promising.  I applied for Starbuck's late last week.

My classes are going very well. I got a 99 on my lab midterm practical, and my last Psychology test was almost insultingly easy.  I went to an open house last week for my top pick nursing program.  Last year, they accepted 27 out of over 200 applicants for the program I'm trying to get into.  Lovely!  Well respected program AND very cheap = lots of applicants.  They said based on who they have accepted in the past, they are looking at at least a 3.6 GPA on your first degree.  Mine was a 3.7 or 3.8, so I'm it looks like I'm in their target range.  I also have to take a standardized test, which looks easy.  And, now they require a written personal statement on your career goals in nursing.  I think that will help me, as I have a good story for that one.  My stuttering has brought me patience with and compassion for others that I believe is fairly unique.  

It looks like I will be finishing my pre-requisite courses at community college upstate with dad.   That wasn't my original plan, but it's good.  I will get to spend more time living with him, and more time with my kitties.  And he has been helping me out with little things so much, it's very appreciated.  This next coming semester may be the most difficult of this whole nursing education.  I'll be taking about 18 credits: 5 classes, three with a lab.  One of them is organic chemistry, which is the only class  in my college career that I've heard horror stories about that I actually believe.  SO, I have no problem taking it at a community college!  The bad thing is that they don't offer it in the Spring semester at the college I'm currently at, where I will be taking my other classes.  And the even worse thing is, is that I could have been taking it right now, but didn't so that I could take as many pre-reqs as I could at the college I wan to end up at (where the nursing program is).  I was under the impression that they wanted that, and it would help me.  But after attending the open house, that doesn't seem to be the case.  I'm kicking myself in the ass for not taking it now, especially with my easier courseload.  So, now I have to find a school that has this class in the Spring, and bust my ass next semester because I didn't make the smart decision.  I have no problem busting my ass, but not happy about it when it was avoidable.  I'm nervous about being able to find this class. I checked many schools, and they either don't offer it in the spring, or don't have their spring schedules out yet.  I found one community college, an hour away from my current school, that has one class of 16 seats in the spring.  So, I hope I can get in.  Or even better, I hope a closer college puts up their spring schedule and has it. This uncertainty is part of what I don't like about this educational phase (vs the comfortable working phase I just came from).  I have to have these five classes done by the end of the spring semester to be able to start the nursing program I'm trying to get into next fall.

Right now I'm going to visit a good friend of mine, and am looking forward to it.  He was my speech therapist as a kid and we have always kept in touch.  We catch up about once a year in person, but now that I'm here, we can catch up more.  He has a good affect on people around him, always gives me good perspective, and I'm looking forward to our visit.  I have lots of good speech-related things to share with him.

Car

My new car.  2008 Hyundai Sonata / 79,000 miles.  I really like it.

Getting the paperwork all done to get my money for my totaled car and the rental is a pain the ass.  It's a friggin nightmare.. stressing me.  I can't wait til it's all done and right.

Chugging

Things are chugging along well in Lori land.  School is very easy.  But, it better be- being that I'm not working and am only taking two classes.  Anatomy & Physiology is a lot of material, but as long as I stay on top of it, don't find it hard at all.  I got a friggin perfect score on our first lecture test, with 75 questions.  We had our lab midterm last week.  I doubt I got 100%, but think I did real well.  Will find out.  I've had to do a lot of memorization of bones and bone markings.  I often recite them in the shower, while driving, while standing in lines, etc.  Which I don't mind at all.  It's all good to me.  We're moving on to muscles now, which I've heard is even more memorization than all the bone markings.  Psychology class is ridiculously easy.  I feel like our professor doesn't think it is.. but it seems to me like everyone else gets it too.  Her tests are very simple.  I wrote my one paper for the semester for Psych last week. I spent a lot of time on it, probably too much.  I'd rather memorize bone markings any day over writing the paper.  But that's over now, which I'm glad about.  I handed it in today and had to do a short presentation on it.

Things with my car are taking an annoyingly long time.  I have to call this insurance guy all the time to remind him to do his job.  It's very frustrating.  I finally got the paperwork I needed from him to reimburse me for the value of my car.  I'm getting a lot more than I thought I was going to get, so I'm happy.  I mailed it in today and now will wait yet some more.  I can't wait until it's all wrapped up.  The car that I got- my "new used" car- is shaping up well.  I got the paint work I wanted done on it, and it looks awesome.  I love how it looks.  My old after-market radio will be transferred in tomorrow and I'll be all set.  Pics soon.  I've been thinking about maybe getting an aftermarket bluetooth set up for my phone.  We'll see.

Been spending more family and friend time, which I appreciate very much.  Attached is me this past weekend.

This Friday I'm going to an open house/informational session for the nursing programs at Hunter-Bellevue, which is where I really want to go to school.  I'm hoping to get a lot of good info.

Family

I had a really great weekend of spending time with lots of family and good friends.  We had great times and laughed real hard.  I really appreciate being able to spend more time with them.  Also, my cousins' children are some awesome kids and fun to play with!

School is going well.  I had my first test last week, in Psychology.  I think I did well.  I have another test tomorrow in Anatomy & Physiology.  A&P is starting to become crazy with the memorizing, but I'm keeping on top of it and am loving learning it.  I have to write a short paper for Psychology due in a week, and doing the research for it is like pulling teeth for me.  I much prefer working through math and science problems, and memorizing bones.

Odds

And on to other news...

What are the odds that an auto transporter would be in an accident and your car would get squashed on the bottom row??  I bet they're slim.  And with my luck, it's not a total surprise that I'm in that small percentage.  But it's still a major "kick in the balls".  I'm not sure if there is some ulterior meaning I'm supposed to see/find in this.

My newest goal is to work with the insurance to clean up this mess the best I can.  

Adirondacks

I was lucky enough to spend this weekend at a great friend's beautiful house on Schroon Lake in the Adirondacks of northeastern NY state.  We had a very nice, relaxing time in nature... minus the five mosquito bites in two days. We made smores on the outdoor fire, did some kayaking, jet skiing, wine drinking, and general lounging around.  

Schroon Lake

Schroon Lake

Foliage

Sunset from the lake house deck

Feelings. California. Other.

I won't say my emotions are on a roller coaster.  They're absolutely not.  They're very constant.  The things is- they span a quite significant portion of the emotional spectrum, about different and specific things.  That's as far as I'll go for the deep stuff.  

In other news, I spent this weekend in Southern California.  When not jumping from them, I find planes very conducive to sleeping and studying.  Perfect!  I was treated to a great dinner and drinks by my former bosses, and had a very nice time.  I continue to be quite touched by them.  Then I had a fun weekend hanging with my skydiving friends and getting in a few jumps.  I borrowed gear from various people, as some of mine is still in transit, and I also didn't want to lug around and worry about both my rig and the cat on the plane one the way back.  Speaking of which, I was dreading the plane ride back with my Stewie-cat.  But she was a friggin rock star!  She did great.. couldn't have asked for a better cat.  She usually is a horrible bitch in the car, but she was great on the plane.  She even stayed totally quiet on the car ride up to my father's. I don't know what got into her.  She's adjusting very well to dad's house.  She's spent some time here before, but that was over 7 years ago.  

We got the rest of the pictures from my cousin's wedding.  Below is one of my favorites, during my maid of honor speech to the bride.  I'm glad I can crack myself up.

I'd also like to share a quote a friend posted recently.  I agree with it.  It's "the American Way", which I'm afraid seems to be dying out.  Hopefully my current opportunity will be more of a tangible manifestation in a few years.. that's the idea ;-)

Wedding

Had a crazy and amazing time at my cousin Kerry's wedding this Saturday.  It felt so great to be able to give a toast as Maid of Honor at the reception and say how proud I am of her and her husband in front of both of our families.  I had a blast seeing so much family at once and celebrating a great event.  Below are some pictures.  They are beautiful, but the blog GREATLY reduces the quality...

Photos by Jenny Harper: www.jharps.com

Work

I had a crazy weekend: unloaded the moving truck, but still need to unpack.  I did a shitload of driving and had a nice bachelorette party with my cousin in Atlantic City.  I had a nice Labor Day with good friends.  This weekend is my cousin's wedding.  There will be lots of family, which I'm really looking forward to.  And lots of craziness I'm sure.  Then I will be free of maid of honor "duties".  Haha. 

Not working right now is making me feel weird.. kinda shitty actually.  I do have a couple more nice paychecks coming in from my old job, but I know they won't be continuing.  It's an unsettling feeling.  Adjusting to the new financial situation will be tough too, but feel that it's doable, and I know that it's temporary.  Now is a time that I feel good I'm keeping this blog, because it's forcing me to remember why I'm getting myself into this less than ideal situation..  keeping me accountable for my own "greater good".

My goal right now is getting certifiied nurses aid (CNA) training and a part time job.  My thought is that once the training is done and I move down to Long Beach, NY at the end of the year- where I intend to be for the rest of my eduation- I can find part time work as a CNA.  I think I would be able to get flexible hours, will get some great experience, would get me used to working within nursing, and would also be great for my resume.  I have looked into a few options and it seems that it may be a little difficult to find CNA training that fits my school schedule.  I'm still looking into options.  I got a list of places that offer the training from the career center at school, but many of the places said they do not offer the training when I called.  Ugh.  But either way, once that is set up (or not), I should find a part time job for this semester.  I'm hoping to work at a Starbucks.  If I can fit 20 hours into my schedule, then I can also get some health and dental benefits.  It would also get me a lot of good practice with my speech.  It's a little masochistic, but I have to be to live well.  Again, the only way to successfully work with a fear is to face it head on.